By a poster named Tears,
Hello everyone, I'm sorry this post is a bit long
I've been married to my husband for 5 years , dated him for 3 years before that. We have 2 daughters who are 6 and 2. We've had a great marriage, aside from the usual ups and downs. I have never cheated on him before this and I know that he's never cheated on me, he's very devouted to the family and loves me and the children. I don't know how I could hurt someone like that the way I did, especially him.
I went out with a couple of my girlfriends to a pub last week and we had a little too much to drink, I know that this is no excuse to justify what I did, and I ended up talking to a guy that I was really attracted to and exchanged numbers with him. He called me the next day and said he wanted to meet me, I don't know what came over me and I said yes and we met for lunch and then one thing led to another and I accompanied him to his apartment and had sex with him. I don't understand what was going on in my mind during all of this, I could have said no but I didn't.
I regretted it immediately and left. I have since changed my number and deleted him from my contact list. My husband returned home from a business trip last friday. I contemplated about keeping what I had done a secret but I struggled with my guilt from the day that i cheated (last monday) till the time my husband came home, and I broke down and told him everything.
I thought he would be extremely angry and throw me out and I wish it were that way, but he just looked so hurt and sad and told me that he expected me to be better and that he was very disappointed in me. He left our home on saturday and he hasn't returned. He's living with his brother who is very close to him. He hasn't returned my calls nor responded to any messages.
I have told the details of our situation to my sister-in-law,mother-in-law and my mother and they've been trying to help but my husband hasn't. On sunday my sister-in-law called me and asked me if could leave the house for a few hours so that he could some spend time with the children and I told her that I would move out and begged him to come home, but he responded(through her) that it wasn't necessary.
I feel so lost and depressed, I just want him to come home. I don't know what led me to act the way I did, and I've tried apologizing so many times but he hasn't responded to a single message. I've destroyed my family.
Someone please help me. Please tell me how I can help him. I just want him to come back, he's always been a jovial person, always laughing and teasing but now I've shattered him and I don't know how to make it right.
I tried calling him a while back but he didn't return my call, I want to go over to my brother-in-law's place and beg him to come home but I'm scared to face him.
Tears
It happened the day after I met him at the pub, I have never exchanged numbers with another man apart from my work colleagues for any reason and I don't know why I did it. And no I haven't seen him since, nor do I wish to. I am not minimalizing anything, I have told my husband everything including the time I spent in his apartment and what the person I had an affair with and me talked about during our lunch date. And can you please tell me what trickle truth is? And I assume the EA and PA mean emotional and physical affair. There wasn't much emotion involved, I admit that he was very attractive but so is my husband and I know that there are no excuses for what I did
I don't know, I've thought about it myself and I can't come up with any good reason for my actions. All I can say is that I regret it completely, I knew that I was married and out of line but I can't really understand the why of it.
Sex with my husband has been amazing throughout our relationships, and we've had a few fights here and there. He(my husband) isn't the kind of guy who gets emotional at all, so most of our fights get sorted out after I've cooled down. The last really bad fight we had was about my wanting another baby and things were pretty tense for a week or two but he eventually convinced me to postpone it for a few years, but this was months ago and things have been good for us.
I can't really come up with any reason apart from the fact that I was attracted to the OM.
Originally Posted by Beelzebub
Questions:
- did he use protection?
- if he the one cheated would you forgive him?
- I never seen happy with her husband and say he is very attractive and in love him and do a one night stand out of the blue?
- if the one night stand happened that night you met we would say may be a drunk moment, but you thought about it over and over before meeting him to lunch and invite you to his place
- so during lunch that may be last 30 minutes, did ask you " would you have it with me in my place" kinda way?
Tears
1. NO , I think I should get tested.
2.I honestly don't know, we've never discussed about all of these things before.
3. My husband was in the rowing team at the university and he's maintained the same physique since, he's only 33 now. I didn't really compare the OM with my husband, I never really thought about my husband until it was over and done with, I wish I knew better but I didn't and its tearing me up on the inside
4. I wasn't drunk when I had sex, just a glass of wine at his apartment and I'm pretty sure that doesn't qualify as drunk. The previous night when I exchanged numbers, yes I was drunk. I never thought about it over and over before meeting him, I don't know what led me to say yes to either meeting him for lunch or having sex with him but I did and now I'm lying on the bed I've made as someone said.
5.No he was talking about his record collection and asked me if I'd like to see them and I said yes.
Originally Posted by thunderstruck
Sounds like your H was out of town for a few days? Not saying you're a Borderline (BPD), but this situation sounds like a few I've read at BPD sites. The H goes out of town for a week or so, the BPD feels abandoned, anger builds, and then the W bangs some guy. The BPD and the H are then stuck trying to figure out WTF happened.
Just throwing it out there since this PA doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense. Not that the others always do.
Tears
He has been away before and I haven't cheated on him during those times. But I will look into it, I have been crying for the past 3 days and barely made it out of bed. I don't want my children to see me in such a mess and I just told my 6 year old that daddy was very angry with mummy when she asked me why he hadn't come home. Its breaking my heart, the hurt that I've caused my husband and children.
bandit, I'm on the pill. I'll get tested tomorrow and if it turns out to be positive I'll leave I don't want to, but I know he deserves better. I have no intention of spreading any disease to him or anybody else. I just want him to come back home. I've been crying for 3 days and I feel so dirty and inadequate, I've let him down and its killing me. I couldn't even muster the courage to post here even though I chanced upon this site yesterday.
How do I tell him that I'm sorry for all of this? I wish I had never been so stupid.
And I agree no more GNOs. And I'll drop the friends too.
Tears
Without going in to details, I've been served.....yesterday... I have time till the next tuesday to return the acknowledgement of services form to the court. H has stated that he wishes to go through mediation to agree upon custody issues. He's changed the locks at our home. He opened the doors after I begged for hours last night(tried to use the spare key but....), told me to sleep in the spare bedroom or the couch or wherever before locking himself up in our room(I just know that sometime during the night he draped a blanket over me). He's not talking to me, the kids know something serious is happening, I haven't been able to stop crying and its surprising how I was able to get up and make breakfast for everyone today. H is not eating at home, he's not even looking at me. He wants me to leave by the time he gets home tonight(he's working late). Tomorrow I'll probably have to run to a solicitor myself if he isn't willing to hear me out tonight.
Well, me and H had a good long talk yesterday. We talked about a lot of things, good and bad, about out relationship. He told me, he felt that when we were good, we were the best but now he knows that everything good must come to an end someday. He thought that divorce was the best option not just for us and he hopes that we can both be civil to each other and make the whole process as peaceful as possible.
I asked him if we could remain friends after the divorce, he just gave me a sad smile and shook his head. He thinks its best if we just remain on speaking terms so that parenting isn't going to be a difficult task, but he doesn't think that being friends or even keeping contact, more than what's necessary is a good thing for the both of us.
We decided to tell the kids, I don't when we're doing it but we're doing it together. He feels that its best if he moves out now and he's decided to do it come saturday.
We joked a bit over Matt's email to him. Matt, he says nice try, and maybe you and him can have a beer sometime.
There's a heaviness in my heart today, the pain I've caused him and the kids(though they don't know it yet) is just unbelievable sometimes. I still am vacillating between accepting that my marriage to this wonderful man is truly over and fighting for reconciliation. But its becoming clearer that the harder I try, the further I push him away. I don't think I'll be updating much from now. I still plan to continue therapy for a while though. I will inform you guys of any game changing developments that I hope will occur. I'm still having this fantasy that one of these days the divorce process will be stopped in its tracks and we'll start R. I won't stop believing, that I know for sure.
Thank you guys for everything, this isn't goodbye. I'll stick around and keep reading new threads and new stories, I'll keep learning.
Last edited by Decorum; Today at 05:28 AM.
Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/58764-young-looking-blunt-answers.html
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